Life...

The past few days have been a whirl wind of classes, schedules, work, money worries, and pain. I have been having a hard time with the fact that things are over in a sense, that things will never be like they used to in the beginning, and that a new chapter has begun. The pain is subtle but never seems to go away. No matter how hard I pray, forgive, and love. The way things move on in life is good, it means I am out of control of the future and that He is in control. Yet, no matter how many times I get to this point it always seems to surprise me. I was isolating myself the other day in my room from the world, fellowship, and friends. I wanted to be alone, yet no matter how hard I tried to be alone I knew I wasn't, He was always there for me. He is always there for me. It is a reassuring thing to know that I am never alone, even when I feel the most alone. Another thing that happened that day I was trying to be alone was that I was reminded so clearly that my work here is far from over. My roommate was listening to worship music and I was so taken back that I was not a better influence with my life. I have not been to church or engaged in fellowship for a long time and it is my fault. I have not shown her what it is to  live as Christ, and I am so ashamed. I know that I can change that and I will. I have come to terms with the fact that no matter how many times I turn away or stop trying He is there to bring me back and say "Be patient and still my child".